Back Off, Ladies

I loved Channing when Channing wasn’t cool.  (Sung to the tune of Barbara Mandrell’s “I Was Country When Country Wasn’t Cool”.)

Picture it:  Friday, August 11, 2006.  It was a hot August night in Michigan and I had just watched the movie Step Up the evening it premiered at Showcase Cinemas in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  I called my friend Jason afterwards and he invited me to come over and have dinner with his brother and him.  All I talked about throughout the meal was my new love – Channing Tatum.  I had a crush on him and I had it bad.  In fact, I continued to talk about Channing Tatum to anyone who would listen.  I’m sure my coworkers desperately wanted to scream, “ENOUGH ALREADY!” at me that following Monday at work.  I tried to get all of my girlfriends on board to the Channing Tatum train, but none of them saw what I saw.  “Eh, he’s okay”, one said. “I just don’t see it”, said another.  I was completely alone with my Channing Tatum obsession and I decided I liked it that way.

For my 34th birthday nine days later, my friend at work made this for me:

Photoshop courtesy of Brian Pawlowski

Channing Tatum was IT for me. I even temporarily brushed Matt Damon and Christian Bale aside.  (Previously my #1 and #2 celebrity crushes.)  The crush never died.  If you feel adventurous, search Google for Channing’s modeling pics.  Those will explain why the crush never died.  (Warning:  Make sure your husband, boyfriend, boss, coworkers, children, mother, father, priest aren’t around.)

Over the years Channing continued to make movies (movies which I continued to see) – Stop-Loss, Public Enemies, G.I. Joe, Dear John, The Dilemma, The Eagle…just to name a few.  When you find a perfect specimen like Channing Tatum, that crush never dies.  Then Channing made The Vow and suddenly more women started taking notice of him.

But, everything changed when he made the movie currently in theatres – Magic Mike.  Now hundreds of thousands of women are walking around with their tongues hanging out chanting Channing’s name.  Um, HELLO!  Where were all of you back in 2006??  I’m suddenly feeling a bit protective and possessive of my Channing Tatum.  He was mine long before these drooling women even knew his name.

And, yes, I took myself to see Magic Mike this past weekend while the husband was out of town.  (He insisted.)  (He really did!)  And, yes, I’ll see it again and again, if the opportunity presents itself.  (Hint to all my girlfriends who may be planning a trip to the movie theatre.)  You get to see Channing’s bare bum which made women in the theatre scream, but if they were true Channing fans, they would have already seen it YEARS ago after searching the Net for his modeling pics.  (And let me just add that the years have been very good to Channing’s bum.)

I realize I should be thrilled that Channing Tatum is finally becoming a household name, but I kind of liked having him all to myself.  Well, not all to myself.  There is one woman I’m willing to share him with – Jenna Dewan-Tatum, his GORGEOUS wife.  She had the sense to fall for him in 2006 during the movie Step Up also.  We loved Channing when Channing wasn’t cool.

Isn’t she absolutely beautiful?!  I think they’re the best looking couple in Hollywood.  John disagrees.  He actually thinks Jenna is – dare I say it? – not attractive.  I think he’s blind.  Our cable TV and Internet was out for four days while John was gone so I watched Step Up again not once, but twice.  I love that movie, but even more, I love that I’m watching the moments when these two fell in love.

So that’s it, ladies.  Back off of Channing.  He belongs to Jenna and me.  Get another hunk.  Might I suggest Joe Manganiello?

See?  Even Channing approves.

3 thoughts on “Back Off, Ladies

  1. Nikki, dear, I’m sorry… but She’s The Man came out in MARCH of 2006… So I do believe I have prior claim. (on both you and his wife… whom he met making step up)

  2. It wasn’t until I saw Magic Mike that I stopped thinking of Channing as some young teenager. Holy Heck he is 32! My gosh….hubba, hubba. Are you sure he is all yours?????😉

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